My husband's terminal diagnosis has made him even more abusive

DEAR DEIDRE: I HOPED my husband’s terminal cancer diagnosis might turn him into a more caring man but it has made him more selfish and abusive.

It feels like he doesn’t want to leave any good memories behind for his family.

I’m 58 and he’s 60. We’ve been married for 30 years and have two grown-up daughters. Since he found out his cancer is incurable, it’s made him more insular and selfish than ever.

He can’t control his temper and has even hit me a few times during rows. He makes me feel it’s my fault.

I spend my days being careful of what I say so it doesn’t happen again.

I know this is no way to live. But I can’t leave when he might only have months to go.

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DEIDRE SAYS: There is never any excuse for violence, not even the fear of imminent death.

This is not your fault. You need to talk to him and make it clear his behaviour is not acceptable.

My support pack on Managing Anger should give him ways of dealing better with his feelings. Please also read the pack on Abusive Partners, which includes links to support organisations.

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