DEAR DEIDRE: EVEN though my ex ran off with my best friend and got her pregnant, I still miss him and want him back.
It’s been four years but I think about him all the time and fantasise that we are still together.
I’m 28 and so is my now former friend. My ex is 30.
We were together for three years and met when I started working with him.
I really believed he was my soulmate, and my future husband and father of my children.
My then friend, who I had known since school, told me how lucky I was and how perfect he was for me.
I had no idea she had designs on my man.
We all then moved into a shared house with another friend. For a while, it was bliss — like a real-life version of Friends.
Sometimes, I’d go to bed early and leave my boyfriend and best mate chatting in the living room. I trusted them both implicitly.
But one weekend, I went home to visit my parents. When I came back, they seemed shifty but both denied there was a problem.
Then, a month later, my now ex-mate found out she was pregnant.
She broke down in tears and confessed that while I’d been away, she and my boyfriend had got drunk and slept together.
It was the worst day of my life. I couldn’t look at either of them and I told her she was dead to me.
I dumped my boyfriend, packed up my stuff and moved back to my parents’ place.
My boyfriend and friend both kept messaging me but I couldn’t forgive them.
He said he loved me, and it had been a moment of madness.
I later heard she ended up having an abortion and they split after a couple of months.
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I’ve tried to move on, but can’t do it.
I know I should hate him for what he did and put him firmly in the past. But nobody else compares.
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DEIDRE SAYS: You were betrayed by two people you should most have been able to trust.
It’s likely you can’t move on because you have unresolved feelings about the way it ended.
It sounds like you understandably fled from the situation, rather than talking it through. This may be why you’re finding it hard to meet someone new.
You’ve probably put up emotional walls because you’re now feeling scared of being hurt again.
My support pack Moving On should help you. Some counselling could also help you to work through your feelings.
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Please don’t be tempted to try and get back with your ex. He and your former friend have put you through so much.
Talk to him, and your ex-mate, if it will help you get closure. But I’d advise leaving the past behind.
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