DEAR DEIDRE: I HAD sex with another guy while my partner and I were on a break.
It was just consolation sex but now my partner accuses me of cheating and refuses to even speak to me.
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We had a great relationship for two years. He’s 24 and I am 23.
We talked about marriage and kids. Then he got made redundant just before lockdown and he was stressed and miserable thinking he would never get another job.
I was working from home and he seemed to resent it.
We had one row after another about trivial things.
One day he packed his bags and said he was going to stay with his mum and dad on their farm to get away from everything.
He was only gone for the weekend but two weeks later he went off again, this time saying we were finished.
I didn’t even get a text from him for a week.
By the weekend I was really upset and missing him. I went out for a drink with my best mate and had a great time.
A guy in the bar kept flirting with me and I admit I enjoyed getting the attention I had been missing.
He was 29. He said he’d walk me home and we had a lovely moonlight stroll, which was very romantic.
He kissed me and I melted. We ended up having sex in the park.
He rang me the next day but I told him I wasn’t going to give up on my partner and that I wouldn’t see him again.
He was a bit angry and put the phone down on me.
That same evening my partner came back, saying he had been an idiot and was sorry.
I regretted what I’d done just the night before and tried to put it to the back of my mind.
It was all going well for us until he stormed in one evening from the pub saying he’d heard I’d cheated.
HALF of men aged 40 – 70 suffer from erection problems at some time and they are becoming increasingly common in younger men, too, affecting ten per cent of those in their 20s and 30s.
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I didn’t deny it but I reminded him that he had told me we were finished.
He won’t accept that we were not together when I went with the other guy.
He has changed his phone number and refuses to speak to me. I love him to bits and am distraught.
DEIDRE SAYS: Your partner cannot deny that he had told you that your relationship was over, and he’d not been in touch in over a week to reassure you any different.
It doesn’t excuse you having a one-night stand, given the risk of spreading Covid, but it’s unfair for him to try to pin blame for cheating on to you.
You were having difficulties in the relationship and you’d made up and fallen out twice.
Given what’s happened perhaps it is time to take a step back and get a fresh perspective.
If his reaction is always to angrily walk away, and you are not able to talk through all the problems and find solutions, that is not a recipe for a happy future.
Leave him to cool his heels. He’s more likely to regret his harsh reaction if you take a step back.
If he changes his mind insist you talk about how things will be different between you in future.
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